Wednesday, November 14, 2007


I saw his little home.

I saw his head.

I saw his tiny tiny hands.

I saw his heart.

It had no sound.

I heard no heartbeat.........


Wednesday, November 7, 2007

Things you'll never understand (because you're an in-law)

The last time I lost someone was in 2000 when my grandmother died. That was a very long time ago and i cannot recall how I felt back then. All I know is that I was sad....

Today, I've just been told that "ate" is leaving at the end of the month.........

The house will be different.

I've known ate for 4 years. She was my husband's yaya and has been with his family for 20 years. Ate is a very quiet but diligent lady. She's about 50 years old now but still very strong. Although she's not as fast a worker as she was in her younger days, you can be assured that she gets EVERYTHING done. She also cooks so well that my dad and my in-laws' relatives borrow her for a day whenever they hold parties. My mom has also taken keen interest with ate. Not to mention my little boy. Hiro calls her "ate Blutz" and they are very close. Everytime we're away he always asks where his "ate Blutz" is. She's the first person he'll look for, and she's the first person he'd want to talk to on the phone. Ate has not become a housemaid. She has become family (although there are times I do not agree with how she is being treated, paid, etc. but that's another story in itself).

Perhaps you can say that I have become so "campante" with things I do everyday and have relied on her too much. I wake up in the morning, my hot water is waiting for me and my breakfast already prepared. I come home at night, dinner is waiting. I ask for some munchies, she prepares toast or a sandwich before she goes to bed. Then the cycle starts all over again.

I do not know why she is leaving them (us).

My husband told me not to ask why and to act like I do not know. Why? I want to know, why.

It is mil's house. It's her rules. So be it.

If I had my way, I'd ask. I want to ask. I want to know. I have become attached to her the same way my little boy is to her.

Christmas is near. New Year will follow.

It's a good thing we'll be at my parents place this Christmas season. But what about when we get back?

Monday, November 5, 2007

A mother's heart

I cry when you abuse.

I cry when you compare.

I cry when you gloat.

I cry, I can't say a word, so I just stare.

I cry for your selfishness.

I cry for your stubborness.

I cry when you use my time,

my everything down to the dime.

I cry because I can't do anything.

I cry because I have respect.

I cry because I feel sorry.

I cry because I always worry.

I cry because I count the days.

I cry because it's still too long.

I cry because I can see the sacrifice and agony.

I cry because I always have to act so phony.

I cry because he's your son.

I cry because I love my son.

I cry because it's my life.

I cry because I AM THE MOTHER and the wife.

I count the days 'til this will end.

My heart, by then, will mend.